Bones Follow Up Potpourri Style

I know, I am SERIOUSLY shamefully late with this post. You know the story. We all lost our jobs, blah blah blah, I only had dial-up at home, turning my light-hoofed prancing into the glacial clodding of a narcoleptic Clydesdale. But I have remedied the situation and returned to bring you the long-awaited, admittedly worse for the wear version of Bones Halloween Extravaganza.
Due to lapse in memory and my inability to find a theme to my ramblings, this post will be presented potpourri style. Did you know that potpourri means "rotten pot"? I always thought it's translation would be more poetic, like say "bountiful satchel" or "jubilant miscellany" (I just wanted to use that word. LOVE it.) But no. Rotten pot. I wonder if Alex Trebek knows. I'm emailing Jane for one of her boyfriend's Trebekistan appendices. (Potpourri is a Jeopardy category, no? Or am I thinking of Potent Potables?) Anywho, on to rotten scrap #1:
1. Bones' boobs. It's not like I didn't go into this episode fully aware that it would showcase Bones' goods. But sweet lord. I haven't seen so much - spatially AND temporally - of a character's boobs on network TV... ever. The only comparison I can think of is when Bennie goes to the ball in Circle of Friends and looks unintentionally brazen in her made-for-the-average-booblessly-chaste-Celtic-Woman gown. It was like Bones' costume just squashed her boobs against her like two giant, colorful tongue depressors. I could see her underboob, people. And it was like the ONE character trait they thought they'd stick to in the whole episode was to have her flounce along like a nerd who doesn't walk like a lady. You can imagine the comic boobal vectors that result from the combination of unstable boobs + flouncing. Accidental sluttiness only works on fat Irishwomen, FOX. Not on SCIENTISTS. Scientists are able to calculate VARIABLES.
2. Everyone else's boobs. Bones is dressed as Wonder Woman. So maybe Angela and Cam have more workplace-appropriate costumes to even things out. Plus then your lead character gets to be the hottest, and you get the irony that the most sciency nerd is the hottest, which is about as complex and subtle as TV irony gets. No. Angela is Bob Mackey-era Cher WITH headdress and Cam is Catwoman. It was like watching the Vegas stage production of Dr. G: Medical Examiner.
3. Bones' sudden pop culture awareness. Again, absolutely no irony regarding the famously pop culture retarded Bones' choice of a pop culture icon as a Halloween costume. In fact, the other squints refer to it as "the same costume she wears every year." From the previews it seems like Bones repels a bullet with her Wonder Woman bracelet whilst adorably oblivious to the significance of such. Oh no. She mentions that the bracelets aren't made of AMAZONIUM, then later spins like Wonder Woman trying to teleport! In a later episode she confesses an embarrassing high school prank in which the SMURFETTE figurine she wanted was replaced with BRAINY SMURF! HelLO, am I the only one who respects the sanctity of Bones' character?! Clearly SOMEONE (I'm looking at you, Josh Berman) has tired of Bones, the empirical scientist who lacks human and cultural identifiers. So lets fast track her into someone completely generic using the cheapest, most one-dimensional means: TELEVISION REFERENCES. SACRILEGE!!!! NOT TO MENTION THAT BONES WOULD NEVER WANT SMURFETTE.
4. Incessant couple-fying. Clearly the constant carrot-dangling of romance is the reason I got into this show; got into ANY show really. So it is a sad day when even I have had too much. This episode ends with Bones and Booth sitting in the Jeffersonian after thwarting the killer EMT guy who kills kids with FEAR. Booth has been SHOT, but they're just hangin'. Can't end the show without some completely manufactured sexual tension! So Bones practically works up a sweat comparing their crime shenanigans to a date. Really guys? Then there's a clunky mention of how Booth looks like Clark Kent in his squint costume, don't even get me started on how Bones would know who the FUCK Clark Kent is, and the episode becomes Spaceballs. Oh you're a superhero and I'm a superhero. We should fuck. Now I can marry that hotshot bad boy instead of Prince Valium.
Lame. Friend of blog Sean (Happy Birthday!) investigated a fire on the set of Bones during the filming of this episode, and I submit it was caused by the spontaneous combustion of scripts due to INFLAMMATORY SUCKINESS. Potpourri indeed.